I have seen this pattern before and believe it is an ArcGIS Server bug. Essentially, you have a boundary condition where ArcGIS Server has removed an instance of ArcSOC from management but yet the process did not cleanly exit. You can attach a debugger, such as WinDbg, to the hung process and attempt to figure out why it is hung. This starts to get deep fast.
Do you have a custom Server Object Extension? If so then post back and I'll share a good trick with you with regards to how I addressed this issue.
If there is no custom SOE then the only way to resolve this is that you have to file a reproducible incident with ESRI support.