You are correct, DDP can't be used for this scenario because DDP will change extents for each feature in the index layer.
This can be done using arcpy.mapping. You can't change the symbology for the individual symbols but what you can do is author an MXD with the appropriate symbology and also set the selection symbol. Then iterate through the features by performing an arcpy.SelectLayerByAttribute_management on each feature to highlight it.
Jeff