This is super late, but the solution to this (for anyone else googling) is 2-step:
1. Dissolve the polygons
2. Use the "Join Field" tool with the dissolved field as the Input Field/Join Field keys and transfer all the other fields you want
Not sure if the answer will still be relevant to Jamie. But, if I have understood the issue correctly (i.e. to merge set of features based on common values in a set of fields), this can be done using Dissolve tool. In the dissolve dialogue box just select all the fields that needs to be preserved (the fields leading to the unique set of records) in the 'Dissolve fields (optional)' list.
Regards
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